It is what I do, not who I am

This was originally posted 3 November 2006.

Who am I? Who are you? If you were asked to describe yourself succinctly, what would you include? How about if your best friend was asked to describe you? What would they include? Many people define themselves by their hobbies or interests. ..I am a runner... ..I am a musician... ..I am a Red Sox fan... You could think of many others .. and you could also assign many of your friends and acquaintances to a category of some sort. Often, a person will so narrowly define themselves, as to become fully focused in that area. For example, I compete in both triathlons and running races. I really enjoy these races and I enjoy the fitness level that I have from training for them. I have met people in my training and racing that are wholly consumed. They declare, ..I am a triathlete,.. and live their lives accordingly. They subscribe to triathlon magazines, they eat a traithlete..s diet, over time they even make new friends who are as wholly consumed in triathlon as they are. It becomes their life and who they are. Substitute any interest or hobby for the word triathlete or triathlon in the above sentences and you..ll see what I mean. Try substituting the word scrapbooker, dancer, NASCAR fan, or anything else you can think of. It can quite revealing. Other ways people attempt to define themselves is by their occupation. ..I am a teacher... ..I am a doctor... ..I am a scientist... This way of introducing yourself can be an innocuous way to start a conversation or a statement on how your live your life. I personally work in science. I am surrounded by people who wholly define themselves as scientists. Their research encompasses everything. It is all they discuss, all they work on, and even all they think about. Substitute other professions into the above example and again it can be revealing. A wise man told me about science, but is universally applicable .. ..It is what I do, not who I am... I learned much from these 9 simple words. This statement is what I attempt to use when describing my job, my hobbies, and my interests. Yes, I like to cycle. That..s what I do, but that doesn..t define me as a person. It is interesting to think of stereotypes in this fashion. So often, stereotypes are used from an outsider making generalizations about a specific group of people. But just as often when a person identifies themselves with a certain group, they tend to change the way the act and who they are just to fit that generalization. Take the triathlete example above. One could stereotype triathletes as nutrition freaks who spend too much time working out. But, a person beginning to define himself as a triathelte can assume that in order to be accepted by others in the group, he must act the part, and become a nutrition freak who works out too much. Human beings are very social by nature and will go to great lengths to feel accepted or part of a group. Once we find a group that accepts us, we tend to take on the personality and beliefs of that group and define ourselves as members of the group. Some more examples of how people categorize themselves are by skin color, nationality, religion, and even sexual orientation. ..I am black... ..I am Mexican... ..I am Jewish... ..I am gay... People tend to define themselves by nationality when in a foreign country. You rarely hear an American, when asked to say a few things about herself, list that she is an American if the question is posed in her native country. But ask the same question while she is traveling overseas and one of the first things that she will list is that she is American. Religion is a powerful defining factor that ironically can breed hate and intolerance. The war this country is fighting now is being fought on basis of people defining themselves by their religion and not accepting that others can believe differently from them. I am referring both to the ..war on terror.. and the ..culture war.. being fought at this time. In the former, Islamic fundamentalists want all non-muslims to convert or die. The latter pits ..Christians.. against secular progressives. Both are being fought in the name of religion and both are examples of religion breeding hate and intolerance. What about sexual orientation? This form of defining one..s self is typically only in one direction. You never hear anyone introduce their friend as ..heterosexual... There are no ..heterosexual pride.. parades or anyone that defines themself wholly by their heterosexuality. Yet, if you..re a homosexual, this is very common. This is who you are and how you live. The intimate relationships you have in your own bedroom, you broadcast to the world. I quote another wise man, ..expand your horizons beyond simply gender orientation. Find fulfillment in the many other facets of your character and your personality and your nature that extend beyond that. There..s no denial that one..s gender orientation is certainly a core characteristic of any person, but it..s not the only one... This is where I..ll begin to conclude. This advice, though given to those who define themselves by their sexual orientation, can be applied to any area. So, how should you define yourself? A key is to find many areas of your character and personality to develop. I think the first defining moment is as a human being who is surrounded by other human beings. You are no better or worse than anyone you encounter. Don..t consider yourself above anyone. Likewise, have the confidence to know that you are not below anyone either. This doesn..t mean don..t respect authority for laws and management help keep order in society, but don..t ever feel like your less important than anyone else. Define yourself in the way you treat others .. treat others as you would like to be treated. This is a bit cliché, but if everyone did this, the world would be a much better place. Expand your interests, magnify your talents, and continually learn new things. You will be better because of it. Try to avoid falling into the trap of complacency. There is more to life than narrowly defining yourself to one group. Make these areas, whether is be your job, your hobbies, your skin color, your religion or whatever it is ..what you do, not who you are...