Dad, what's .......?

My oldest son is making a habit of asking me questions that cause me to give an extended verbal, “Ummmm….” while my mind races for an answer and yet all I can think of is, “I wasn’t expecting that question for a few more years.” He initially did this to me when he was only six. A little background on this is needed for more understanding; in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, the church leaders provide a broadcast twice a year, mainly for inspiration and training. On occasion, new or updated guidelines are extended as well. Back to the example - one of these broadcasts had recently occurred, during which we received some counsel regarding tattooing. This was the first time in my lifetime, perhaps ever, that the leadership had counseled during the broadcast against getting a tattoo. I knew at the time, since I had gotten a tattoo for my 18th birthday, that this would be an issue someday with my children. At the time I heard it, I considered getting it removed before they would become aware of that I had it as I always want to set a good example for my kids. Being my oldest was only six, his brother 4, and the youngest just turned one, it would be good to do it sooner rather than later. My oldest only intermittently watched, spending most of his time playing in his room or watching a video on our other television. Imagine my shock when a few days later he approached me and asked, “Dad, didn’t President Hinckley [church leader] say we’re not supposed to get a tattoo?”
“Ummmm……” I replied, “Yes son, he did say that.”
“Then why do you have one?”
“Ummmm…… I think I need to get it removed.”
“Yeah dad, that would be a good idea.”
Just yesterday, he did this to me again. He’s nine now and just started 4th grade. He came into my room just as we were all getting ready for bed and said, “Dad, my friend at school asked me if I’ve ever had sex. What’s sex dad?”
“Ummmm…..” quickly looking at my wife, hoping for an epiphany, but only getting the same blank stare I was making returned, “well son…..” then turning it back on him in an attempt to buy more time, “Who did you say asked you this?”
“My friend at school,” he quickly replied. “Dad, what’s sex?” he repeated.
“Ummmm…..” and I went into an explanation about love and affection and how people who really love each other sometimes show that affection by having sex. I stressed that sex is only okay once you’re married. I also explained the differences between a kiss that you give your mom and a kiss that you give a girlfriend. How sometimes, like maybe you’ve seen in the movies, boys and girls have special kisses if they’re in love.
“Oh, so having sex is just like those long kisses in the movies then?” he asked.
“Ummmm…..” realizing that I wasn’t going to be able to escape this conversation without either lying to my son or telling him the basic nuts (no giggling) and bolts of intercourse, and then going on to explain it in terms I thought he would understand. I explained something elementary using “girls privates” and “boys privates” (thank goodness he has a sister and knows there’s a difference) and the private parts fitting together. I also emphasized that sex is a wonderful thing, sex is the way that babies are made, and that in order to have sex, you have to be married.
“Dad, that’s disgusting. I’m never getting married.”

I couldn’t believe that I was already having that discussion with my nine-year-old son. I really want to be there for him whenever he encounters difficult questions, hoping that I can be the best source of information for him, but also getting quite uncomfortable with questions like the one he posed last night. I always figure that honesty is the best policy and if I blow him off or try to postpone answering tough questions, he may seek answers elsewhere and that might yield responses that I would rather not have him obtain.

As challenging as it can be at times, I love being a father. It is a myriad of learning experiences that assails you with things that you could never dream of. It’s the greatest life education I’ve ever received and I wouldn’t trade it for anything.